Do people just have no shame anymore? I would think most people are online enough to understand most social cues and general rules of society that I feel is a consensus or all my algorithms for every social media app just group me with all the same people (did I really just type that out of course it does its literally the point of these apps you dumb shit). Forget about any of the typical “social norms” for typically daily stuff because I want to discuss the gym and the shameful acts I observe.
Ahhh yes the good old gym, the weight room, health club, the fitness center, gathering area for old men to walk around dragging sack in the locker room.
Whatever you want to call it, anyone who goes to one needs to have a worldwide discussion on simple etiquette while you are there, most chain gyms these social rules are followed and sometimes even enforced, but at the gym I go to, it’s a bloodbath.
Now for the atrocities that ensue in this gym, I’ve witnessed every single one of them and not just occasionally, it is almost daily. I will begin with the douchey high school/college freshman carrying around a gallon of water. I will give you guys credit ya look great, you’re lifting heavy, but for gods sake just buy a fucking water bottle. There is a water fountain and an actual like filtered water water bottle filling station to use! I get it I did the same thing when I was in high school but honestly I thought the internet itself phased that out simply through cyberbullying. Girls I don’t think I have to tell you this but, that guy… that guy is gonna nut in under 5 minutes, tell all his friends how he was blowing your back out, believe he really did, and then when you deny him next time he’s gonna tell his boys you got to clingy so he ghosted you.
Next victim please!
The people who do not know how to rack their weights after they are done using them. IT IS NOT THAT FUCKING HARD YOU UNCULTURED SWINE!
I’ll star with simply just not putting them back. The amount of people that will deadlift with three plates plus on each side, smashing the non bumper plates mind you, and then just walk away is absurd. You’re confusing people! Are you done? Are you still using it? Did they just go to take a shit? No you were just a lazy fuck and now I have to either unrack all of your weights or just say fuck a warm up. And forget about me, you’ve got people who have just started to lift putting in a whole fucking workout just taking off the weight you couldn’t just put back. Then we have the people who seem to forgot how to read in the gym and completely ignore that the racks say EXACTLY what plates go where, suddenly Hercules numbers no sense make?
These next two may be tied for the ones that set me off the most.
The screamers, HOLY MOTHER MARY THE SCREAMERS! Honey are you okay? Did someone hurt you and is screaming in your pillow just not enough? When you get into the heavy weights and your just moving some big boy weights, fine, acceptable UNLESS you have the big boy weights on and doing little baby piss boy reps. There is one man in my gym who is the shining star for these people, he is their GOAT. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him squat once but man will he come in and load up that fucking leg press, wrap up those knees, and go to TOWN relaxing his knees then snapping them back straight all while screaming louder than a woman going through labor (I’ve watched a woman push out a baby I know how loud they are).
Chill out man you’re screaming LOOK AT ME! When you should probably wait until literally no one is looking.
My last one is probably unique, I hope, but I have a guy in my gym who pretty much runs his own small CrossFit class in the middle of the gym. CrossFit gyms are expensive I know that but you cannot come into your everyday gym with like 4 other people using 5 bars, 5 treadmills, and 5 sets of kettlebells/free weights. You suck, you suck, you suck. You’re so in the way, your an inconvenience, maybe I’m overreacting here it grinds my gears so much when I watch them all do some snatches throwing the bar every time, then burpee back and forth over them, run over to the treadmill and sprint for 30 seconds, and finish off trying to rips their shoulders apart swinging from a pull up bar like a rabid ape.
Please for the love of god just go to a CrossFit gym and do all that with your brethren who will jerk you off the whole workout and then go ask if everyone wants to go out for IPA’s. Fuck your WOD.
The Hamm Report 