America! We are the young darlings of the world who have built our program from the bottom up. We started out as a lowly scouting assistant to Nick Saban just checking out the new prospects even spending time in their living rooms getting to know the family and recruiting them to the current powerhouse of the world The Great British Empire.
We realized something though, we are the ones going out finding all this new talent, maybe we should keep it to ourselves… why should ol Georgie III get all the credit with all this new land, we put in the work we should reap the rewards. So we wrote a strongly worded letter to that older powder headed fuck and said we are out and if he had a problem he can 1v1 us if he was a real man. We took our rag tag new program and took down Alabama of the old world in the biggest upset since the Spartans held the Persians at Thermopylae.
All the sudden Americas become a perennial contender year in and year out for the next couple years, we not only hold our own but we expand our program, we grow into a super power, imagine Coastal Carolina actually continues the success they’ve had recently to not only join a power 5 conference but to be a contender year in and year out, that was us. We only ever held got in the mix when things got serious, other countries started to finish both world wars and we came in with our big swinging dicks and ended it, undefeated in world.
Since then though… well we try to forget Korea, and Vietnam, the war on drugs, and the war on terror… not going so hot. We don’t need to talk about that thought right? Ehhh well maybe we should start to pay attention a bit more. We may have devolved into, dare a say, we may be the University of Texas or the world, had some great success for a period of time but… what have you done for me lately?
I know I’m scared too. We all grew up learning America is the greatest country in the world, but folks I’m here to tell you this certainly is no longer the truth, and we may not have been for awhile now.
If the clip from The Newsroom years ago didn’t bring to light that America most certainly isn’t the greatest country in the world then this clip does.
If you can’t tell where I’m going here, The Aussies have us by miles and miles and miles, and they may have had us for years. Those motherfuckers had Steve Irwin!
The simple fact you can claim THE CROCODILE HUNTER?! That basically puts you in the top 5 alone. Americans, they had us back then Steve Irwin was basically a top 5 celebrity in his time on this earth, RIP king I miss you everyday, we have to be honest when he burst into the scene the throne was no longer ours, the young Aussies had us assassinated and had the least hostile takeover.
Now this quick video, they are just traversing swamps swatting 15 foot crocs away like a swarm of gnats on a humid summer day. For the love of god the country started as an island full of prisoners from England of course they are all psychotic! If I had to bet my life in a match of Australia vs the rest of the world you bet it’s all not only going on the Aussies to cover the spread but I’m heavy on the money line as well, and confidently too. Those fucker just don’t give a fuck.
Forget about the fact Australians have the biggest balls on the planet, they have some of the most beautiful women, the sexiest accents, the sexiest people, Kangaroo’s, and forget chemical warfare I wouldn’t put it past those fuckers to tame every single venomous and poisonous animal that resides in their country which are all basically the deadliest and use it against the world.
We are fucked, if those fuckers ever decide to stop just being drunk and doing the craziest shit, you may find the smallest continent the newest ruler of the world.
The Hamm Report 