4 Animals I could take
4. Black Bear: Anyone who listens to Pardon My Take or consume any Barstool content with Billy Football black bears are big pussies. They are just overgrown dogs who will run if you make yourself look big or give them a good jab in the nose and they’ll run off like the little bitches they are. Black fight back, brown lay down, white say goodnight (some good survival tips for anyone who may encounter these three bears in their life)
3. Alligator/crocodile: Simply enough I grew up on The Crocodile Hunter (RIP KING) I know what I’m doing, I’ll zig zag that bitch, flank them, jump on their back and push their jaws shut hold their head with my chin and tape it shut in no time flat #thankyousteve.
2. Any monkey: If that unevolved human has a tail I will fucking grab any of them by the tail and toss Hulk smash them like they are Loki.
1. Penguin: Any species breed whatever you want to call them simple as this, one three step place kick that flightless modern day Aqua Dodo through the uprights straight back to sky daddy
4 Animals I couldn’t take
4. Polar Bear: White say goodnight simple as that
3. Honey Badger:
2: Komodo Dragon: Immediate dirt nap. Fucking huge, fast, and bacteria filled mouths, one bite everybody knows the rules=death
1. Tiger: The lion is the king of the jungle but the Tiger is the king of the big cats, a tiger would disrespect even a fully grown adult male lion so hard, even the smallest of tigers they are just that much more fierce and hunt on their own, Mowgli got lucky getting a stick struck by lightning, Shere Khan should have been had that emaciated loin clothed whinny bitch on a silver platter like a thanksgiving turkey.
The Hamm Report 